Sometimes You Don't

More from Brenda Ueland's book, "If You Want To Write"...


"I learned from them (her class on writing that Ms. Ueland taught) that inspiration does not come like a bolt, nor is it kinetic, energetic striving, but it comes to us slowly and quietly all the time, though we must regularly and ever day give it a little chance to start flowing, prime it with a little solitude and idleness. I learned that you should feel when writing, not like Lord Byron on a mountain top, but like a child stringing beads in kindergarten - happy, absorbed and quietly putting one bead on after another."

"And it is Tolstoi who showed me the importance of being idle - because thoughts come so slowly. For what we write today slipped into our souls some other day when we were alone and doing nothing."

"If you write, good ideas must come welling up into you so that you have something to write. If good ideas do not come at once, or for a long time, do not be troubled at all. Wait for them. Put down the little ideas however insignificant they are. But do not feel, any more, guilty about idleness and solitude."

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It may sound contrary to what I've written here before, all the times I've said that "A writer writes"... but there are also times a writer doesn't write - and that is still good. Consider it the fine print below "A writer writes".

There are time we all dry up for a bit, or feel we have no ideas left. I think every writer feels that at some time or other, and it's natural. And I don't believe it's through any fault of the writer, it's not something you aren't doing right, or something you are doing that's "ruining the flow" - I think every so often the mind just needs to shut down and recharge. Your cup has been emptied, and you need to sit still and let it refill... with ideas and inspirations.

I can make another music analogy here too... think of all the bands who have made great first albums... albums where every song is perfect, from the lyrics to the music, and you can listen to the whole thing over and over again and always find something new and brilliant in there. Now, think about that band's second album - the one that was ok, but kind of flat. Just didn't have what the first album did. And usually the reason that happens is that the band was rushed to put out that second album without much chance to recharge their inspirational batteries and find things to write about... they needed some time to let life fill them up again. They had all their lives up to that point where they wrote that first album to pour their lives into it... that is why that first album impacted so strongly. Then suddenly they're famous and making money, and the record company wants another album out by next year - and they give the band 2 months to write new material. Only in a rare situation can a band make another amazing album right away, and that is only if there is deep, genuine talent in there. Otherwise, the second album is going to feel weak and rushed, and just not as strong as the first one.

The same goes with writing, and with poetry. Sometimes in your writing career you need to just let it all rest. You need to let some time and some life pass to fill you up again, give you new inspirations and ideas to write about. And the kicker added to this is - you also can't let yourself feel guilty for taking this time to recharge.

I've known a few writers who go nuts if they don't write for a while. They get frustrated and even angry, mostly at themselves, and they proclaim they have writer's block and then search like mad for a way to cure it. What they need to do instead is relax and let this mental "vacation" have its way with them. Just because you don't write today, or this week, or even this month, doesn't mean you won't ever write again. Personally, I have gone years without writing, and tho' back in those days I wasn't as enlightened about the writing process as I am now, it was very frustrating. But now I realize those years actually did me good. They let me turn my focus on my life and the things I had to do and deal with at the time, and NOW I can turn back and draw up those experiences and find I have something to write about.

It's not an easy lesson to learn tho, for some people. Some writers I've known drive themselves so fiercely to write constantly, but they find that what they write isn't satisfying to them anymore. And this is because they are inspirationally drained. They write and write and write, and soon it just becomes words strung together like birds on a wire. There's no meaning, no depth and no real inspiration there. But they see writing as a race, so they push and push and push, and only grow more frustrated as they go on. If they would only take a step back and put the computer/typewriter/pen away for a while, and even forget they're writers for a spell, they would hear the call of inspiration in a fresh way again, and then they would discover new and fulfilling things to write about. It's never about having nothing to write about - THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING TO WRITE ABOUT!!! There really is no such thing as writer's block... it's a draining of the inspiration inside of you. And when you're drained like this, the passion inside of you fades, and the words don't come and you cradle your head in your hands and wonder why it's all over. But it's not over... you just need fresh air.

Now all of this is a lesson that is very personal to me, because I fell into this routine when I first got back to writing poetry in 2001. I had my first computer, got into some of the online groups, began writing and felt good. And people were enjoying my poems, and that felt good too. So I kept writing. But soon I found days would come here and there and no new ideas would appear to me. When it would happen one day, I would muddle through it. When it would stretch to a few days, I would find myself getting tense, and right away thinking it was all gone. And I'd be there in the morning before work, looking at myself in the bathroom mirror and wondering to myself, "What if I never write anything again? What if it is all gone?". Scary thoughts for someone just rediscovering himself and his love of writing.

Luckily, at the time, I had made a very wise friend, a woman who became a second Mother to me and who I in fact call Mom. She is an artist and writer as well, and from time to time we would talk about our work, and I finally told her my frustrations and what I was feeling. And she said something to me that got me thinking and saved my from my torture - she told me, "You will write when it is time to write". This really stopped me in my tracks, when she said this to me... it was something I had to sit and think about, turn over in my hands and look at it from all angles. But I found the more I thought about it, the more right it felt to hear, and the better I felt. Because if you think about those words you will see how they can free you as a writer. They take away the demand of writing - you don't HAVE to write... you will write when it is time to write. When the words are there... when the feelings are there... when it is time, you will sit down at your desk or wherever, and you will write.

I felt the peace from these words really melt into me.

It helped me realize that it is ok to have times where you don't write, where you feel empty even, of things to say. You just have to remember and believe that such times will not last - especially if you relax about it, and have faith that the words will come again. It's a case also of remembering that writing isn't about quantity, but about quality. You can push and push yourself and maybe write a hundred poems a week... but what does that matter if none of them are any good, if you don't feel better or relieve to have written them. The frustration will only grow deeper inside of you. But if you wait and show patience, and have that day of inspiration come to you, and you sit and you write... you could write that one poem for the whole month that anyone who reads it will sigh, or cry, or laugh or remember... and you will be satisfied.

Take the idle times when they come. Go back to your reading, or your music, or your movies... take walks, play with the kids... read the newspapers, watch the faces in the malls and stores around you... accept the times when there is nothing to write about it seems, but knowing that soon that inspiration will come to you and fill you up again. And you will sit with your pen, or typewriter or computer, and be absorbed, happy, and adding those beads from your own mind and heart... one after another.